Book Report: Never Split the Difference
Never Split the Difference, by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz
Never Split the Difference really hit a nerve with me. Having never been a good negotiator and my need to please has led me to make some poor choices in my life. It’s possible that growing up with siblings (sorry, Amber & Ryan, lol) has led me with a need to be “fair” instead of correct, often at my own expense.
Negotiating has always meant halves - or thirds. This was a great book for me because it really brought that style of thinking to the forefront. I am an emotional thinker, and have often been swayed because it’s been so important for me to be liked. More important than my own well-being. How incredibly unhealthy.
Never Split the Difference’s premise is that most people are emotional thinkers and when you only consider their logical needs instead of the irrational, emotional ones, you’ll lose. We believe that the person across the table from us has all of the information that we have. The truth is anything but. Only when you understand that the person across the table from you is working from false logic and from the assumptions they have made, do you begin to form a clearer picture of your task.
Chris Voss is retired a FBI negotiator that now works with graduate students and large corporations. He trains them to handle the large and small negotiations in life; from asking for a raise, to getting hostages freed safely. His time in the FBI while they (the FBI) were shaping their current day negotiating practices has led to amazing insight into how best to handle negotiations.
His thoughts on getting false ”yes’s” out of the way to get to the real “no’s” stuck a cord with me. How many times have I sat across the table from someone, struck a deal, and then watched them do the exact opposite once we’re out of the boardroom?
His premise is asking your opposition “How am I supposed to do that?” to get them thinking rationally about your side of the equation. By continuing to ask open ended questions moves the conversation towards your goal.
I HIGHLY suggest you read this book. As you are working through your business set up, negotiating with vendors or landlords, working on your in-person sales, this is a book all of us should read, and is one I will be coming back to over and over again.
- Clare
Never Split the Difference
Never Split the Difference Audiobook